Emotionally tired

Blog 136

Last night after I posted we sat around for a while longer and played more soul calibur. It was then time for everyone to go home. When we got into the car Papa Fro realized that he had hurt the inside of his palm and that it made it hard for him to shift. After a quick lesson Mama C shifted the car all the way to her house. Then David did the same to his house. I also was shifting for him once it was just him and I. But I really didn't want to come home. I didn't have school the next day and figured that there would be a better chance of hanging out with him if I was at his house lol. So I asked if it was ok. After we talked about it and he told me that I would be there alone we went to his house to drop me off.

[insert sleep here]

Around 8 or 8:30 ish I woke up a few seconds before my mom called me. She was mad that I forgot to let her know about me spending the night at Nar's house. So she was yelling at me and that's not a very good way to wake up. After I got off the phone I laid there and wondered about things. One of the things that crossed my mind was if Nar had made it home yet. Some time after the phone call Nar's parents came in to wake him up. The only thing is, I was there and not him. 'That's not John. That's a girl."

After figuring out that I was not him they left and shut the door. I still was laying in bed when a while after that Nar finally got home. Now at this point I was already starting to worry about getting home so I could do the dishes that my mom wanted done. Well, soon after Nar got home his mom and him started to 'but heads'. I really started to feel uncomfortable but then it stopped and Nar came in to his room. He told me good morning and that his mom wasn't in a very good mood. Then left. Then more arguing with the two of them.

I know that people argue. I don't think anything is wrong with that. I just can't handle hearing it. My dislike for it comes from when my mom and dad would fight when I was little. There has always been some kind of fighting in my family. Its mostly the voices. The angry sounding ones. I don't really care much about physical stuff. I had big issues with Nar just play acting with Brother J one day. This wasn't play acting. And Papa Fro's house is some where I feel like I can relax. Which I do. So it caught me off guard. I just kinda fell to pieces. And then to make it all worse my heart condition started acting up. I got really dizzy. I decided that I was going to get myself home. That I would just walk to ARC and take the bus home from there. I set a time of noon to leave his house to get to school around 12: 30.

After wasting some time I left. I didn't stop to say goodbye because I really didn't want to face him yet. So I walked to school. I wondered about how long it would take him to find me gone. I had to stop halfway through the S lot and sit for a little because I had gotten really dizzy. Then once I got to the bus stop he called. Asking me where I was and if I was ok. He offered to give me a ride and at first I turned him down, but then thought about it and asked him to get me.

Since he had someone else in the car I couldn't really explain the leaving of his house and everything. When he dropped me off I asked him to call me once he was done with his work. I then calmed down once I had been in my house for a while. Around 9 he texted and said that he had fallen asleep, which I don't blame him for doing, and that he had missed fencing. sad. I sorta talked to him over text. I will have to bring it up again though the next time I see him. Which I need to see him some time soon. Sometime where he is passive fro. Just for that little part of me that needs to be reminded that Nar is never like that. That I will most likely never hear him like that again. Just for that little part.

I want to have this amazing friendship with Papa Fro. I feel like its me that needs to try more and be more open for that to happen. And even if I feel like I am open, he needs to feel like I am too. This is something I am working on. I hope that it leads to good and not bad.

Also, I did end up losing ninja last night. He hit me about 200 times. Stupid pins that he does. lol
But guess what? While Mama C, Papa Fro and I were on the couch I got him. 50 times. Then he got me 5 times. and forgot about it. So now with 10 minutes to go I am ahead 45 times. :D
Also also, He said that if I hadn't of improved then he would just hit me 5 times. So him getting me hundreds of times is sorta like a compliment. lol. : D

Also also also, I'm sad. The yard work has torn his wonderful hands to shreds. Until they heal that means no more back rubs. T______T Heal quick :D