We control the chaos

blog 81
Start time 11:38 pm

I have a lot of Facebookmon for reals. xD

So I went to Chamber and worked on German songs. Was better than Friday.

Then worked on piano work...

Kinda failed in class though and then someone asked to play the piano duet with me. ^_^
They want to work on it on Wednesday though. xD
Kinda need to learn it tomorrow.

Yeah.

Then I was going to write a paper tonight on China.
But then I looked at the sheet for the class and saw that I can do the presentation for it and not have it due till next week.

Yay! Its going to be on different festivals of China and stuffs.
So much funs.

Tonight I watched the season ends to Teenage life and Jon and Kate plus 8. They were both good ^_^

yeah... so I think that life should get better after I learn the piano songs.
not really going to start on the solo till I get the duet done though.

The power point will be a lot better than doing a bs-ed paper tonight. I hope that tomorrow and Wednesday go really well and that this weekend comes soon.

ugh, I don't want to sleep.
T_T
I wish Rachel could come and spend the night. xD

yeah.
T_T

I can't wait till I get my new camera and actually start taking pictures again. I miss having a way to express my self. I think that might be a reason why I've been feeling kind of down when I'm by my self recently. I just haven't been able to be alone without being down.

Maybe its just trying to not think about certain things. Trying to put things to the back of my mind and not think about them. Them suddenly coming back to haunt me. Maybe its the music I've been listening to. Music I used to listen to all the time. I don't know. I hate getting into these moods.
I like to be happy all the time. Part of me just wants to sit in a corner and cry. Not go on. But most of the time I want to be happy. I am happy. Its just this dark side that I have. I hate thinking about the past. Now I really hate thinking about the past. Now that I realized that it was all nothing but a lie. When this used to happen it wasn't that bad. Because it was all still under that lie. But now its worse. Because I think of the good times and then think about the lies.

You know what sucks? Never get into a bad relationship! xD
for reals. I'll hurt you if you do :D.

Now its not only that. But also my uncle. My family doesn't talk much about dead people. They keep their feelings locked up. I miss him so much. I wish that he was here. That he could give me the answers that I am looking for and the leadership that I need. I wish I could tell him that I loved him. That I could tell him my plans. About my classes. I wish he could be there at my concerts. That he could tell me what a good job I've done. I wish he could tell me that I should try harder. That I could be more than what I am.
I wish I could have stopped him that day and that he was still here.

I wish I had one more day with him.

I wish I could break down.

sorry.

I know my life could be a lot worse off. I really don't have it that bad and shouldn't complain.

sorry.

end time 12:02 am.